What Would Atticus Finch Do?

There was a significant gap in my education. I missed the lessons about growing up and dealing with disappointment. I've always been thin-skinned, quick to take offense at a slight or to react with anger to defeat or disappointment.

A few months ago, a group leader had asked me to prepare material. When we got together today, it was clear that the leader had asked someone else to do it in the interim but had not told me. A mistake was made. Two people should not have been asked or, if it was unavoidable, then the leader should have said something to me about it - it shouldn't have come as a surprise. It was inconsiderate and poorly handled. My disappointment and unhappiness are real, and I am entitled to feel it. But it's really about what you do with those feelings. Do you take your ball and go home, or do you try to regain your equilibrium and go on?

In the past when something does not go my way I retreat to a place of anger and self-loathing, and after that I usually withdraw from the activity or the group. I had about a half-hour to deal with the feelings before the meeting broke up.

Has there ever been a wiser, more balanced and emotionally mature character than Atticus Finch? To Kill a Mockingbird is all about honor and dignity--finding the best inside yourself under circumstances that test you. Atticus teaches his children to be tolerant and compassionate, not to jump in with your fists or temper but to right yourself; to see it from the other person's point of view. Instead of being churlish and pulling back, you try to understand why things happen the way they do. In the absence of meanness and bad intentions, most everything can be forgiven.

At the end of the meeting I asked the leader about the change, and the person apologized for the change and for failing to let me know. Politics within the group necessitated the action, and I did not disagree when I heard it from that point of view. It nevertheless hurt but more important things, such as principles, good citizenship, comraderie and generosity, were a balm for my disappointment. It doesn't mean that I will give up or stop trying to be a part of the group, to do my job well or to fight for other opportunities. But this one was over, and I would find a way to accept the outcome. Atticus showed me that you can nourish your own spirit and heal your own wounds.